All writing.

What Is Love?
Ep 8 : Back to reality

*Back to reality in present day - Going back to States*

He looks at me with tears rolling down his cheek. I can't even stop my own tears right now.

"Dae...Daesung sshi*," I barely speak.

"Yes?" he replies with a smile, but tears still rolling down. He looks so different.

"No. This is not right, Daesung sshi*. We can't be together. I'm sorry about that night. I think I've been hallucinating and dreaming something impossible in my life," I tell him.

He looks surprised.

"What? Are you serious right now? I know you love me. And don't dare to deny it after you confessed to me two days ago!" he speaks up strictly. I can only cry more and more.

"But this is not it! It's never going work between us. I'm sorry that I made you think you love me. Please focus on your career," I reply while holding his arms.

"No, no. This is not right. No, you can't do this to me. I'm not confused with my feeling. That night, I almost told you that I love you, but thinking that you might not like me as who I am, I don't dare to speak it out. Now that I have the courage, you said that it's just a mistake?" he puts down my hands and puts his around my shoulders.

The last call for flight passengers to US have been made. I grab my bag and is about to leave him. He holds my hand tightly.

"Don’t go".

I startled.

"Don’t go, Shila. I really love you," he looks down.

I don’t think he can even lift his head right now. I hold his hand.

"Daesung sshi*, I must go. Don't cry please. You'll find someone better than me. I promise. Plus, I will never have a chance to come back here again. Perhaps after I start working, I'll collect enough money to come here and visit you”.

I know my words doesn’t even make a sense, but I still continue to coax him.

“Don’t worry. If we have fate together, there's nothing that can separate us," I said, wishing he can hear my heart.

"But I love you. I can't live without you".

I am getting panic as most people has board the plane. To avoid more problems, I quickly write down my phone number and my address for him. I may not able to come back here, but he can come and visit me if he got time.

"Here, Daesung sshi*. Don't cry. I love you too".

With that, I take my bag to the boarding gate.

"Shila!!"

I look back. He was running towards me. I stand there waiting for him to reach me. He holds me in his arms and kisses me. I almost forgot about my flight. People standing nearby are still taking pictures of us. I don't feel afraid anymore. He makes me feel safe and secure.

He looks at me with full of love. Deep inside my heart I know he is sad. So do I. But there's nothing we can do for now. He promises to FaceTime everyday with me and if he has time, he will come to States or send me a plane so that I could come back to Korea. I feel so happy. Feeling that I am being loved by someone for the first time in my life.

After boarding the plane, the journey seems to be so long and sad. I just keep on sleeping and watching movies until I reach home.

*After few days*

I am back in States now. To think that I need to focus on my studies make me feel sick. How can I focus when the only thing that I could think of is Daesung? I am feeling miserable these days. My court testimony exam proved how I really am miserable. 62 out of 100? What the heck? I thought I knew and understand every chapter! How come I got so low? Then I realize, this is most probably because I miss him so much that I don't even know what the questions ask and how to solve them.

He fulfills his promises to me to have a FaceTime every day, but it seems to make matters worse because I keep on missing him more and more; so I decided to not having a FaceTime for a while and focus on my study and part-time work. FaceTime really doesn't help me at all. It just makes me want to see him again. I want to hug him, kiss him, and sits on his lap. Like who in the world would start a relationship with a separation like this? It looks more like we’re breaking up than starting a relationship.

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~Daesung Point of View~

She just went back few days ago. Why am I feeling terrible? I know I should have tell her earlier about my feeling, so that we can spend more time together without any awkwardness. I'm regretting everything now.

I had a FaceTime with her almost every day. To be honest, I think it helps me to boost my spirit to work and practice, but she seems to be so busy with her schedule. Even busier than me. She told me that she screwed up her exam. I don’t know how bad it is, but I am so sorry that I can't be there to comfort her in this condition. I feel bad about myself. What kind of boyfriend am I to her? But I know she understands my tight schedule here as well.

She told me that we need to stop FaceTime each other for a while. Deep inside my heart, I am having a heartbreak, but since it seems to be the best way for her, I just agree with everything. The most important thing is that she survives and be happy every day. She told me that she misses me so much. How could I deny my own feeling as well? Then I figured out that I just need to do something. Both of us are suffering.

~End of Daesung Point of View~

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