All writing.

What Is Love?
Ep 7 : Remember the night

While walking, he shared his life story with me. I think somehow that night we had become closer to each other. Listening on how he dropped college just to pursue his dream as a singer, and how he managed to at least graduate from high school alongside every night practiced that ended until late night really made me adore him more. He didn’t seem to fully open with me yet, but a little bit about him were enough for me to understand his situation then when he was still a trainee. Honestly, I never think he is lacking in appearance at all since I first saw him in Family Outing, one of the variety show that he joined in. Even now, when he was standing in front of me, it didn’t even make the feeling to fade away. I wondered if he got himself a girl at this age. Plus, he never had any social media and he is the most secretive between all the members in BIGBANG. I know he got a girlfriend before, but I have no idea about his current status relationship.

He brought me to a place where celebrities always had a date with their lovers in the area. Still holding my hand, we walked side by side, mesmerizing the night together. He was smiling non-stop since we left the building.

"Shila, do you feel happy with me?" he asked.

"What’s with the question? Of course I am. And I like to be your friend. I feel honored, really. Daesung sshi*, you're so nice to me. It's sad that I will be going back two days from now," I told him.

Somehow, I think I felt disappointed that he couldn't keep me company for the next two days as his real preparation would start tomorrow.

"Come on Shila, stop addressing me with formal term. Call me oppa*. I would love to hear it," he stopped before continuing his words.

"And I'm sorry that I can't keep you company anymore, but I hope that you will have a good day in Korea," he continued with a smile.

"Don’t worry. I'm happy here. I think I've fulfilled my last long dream to come here, and I don't regret it, Daesung sshi*".

"Oppa*! Call me oppa*!" he said. I could only smile. We continue our walk there.

"Do you want to do what the couples are doing? We can do it if you want," he said suddenly.

"Why? But why so suddenly? You're not my boyfriend though," I reply with wonders.

"It’s okay though. We can just pretend that we're couple. No one care about it here. They won't make it viral," he said.

For once, I think he lost his mind this time. But I got no difference than him.

"Then, let's do it! It seems fun," I said happily.

We went to the place where they sold couple stuff and bought couple rings and keychains. Then we walked to the ice-cream seller and eat ice-cream all the way there.

"Oh my, it’s so delicious!" I said. The ice-cream was so sweet, and I like the flavors.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

"Yeah. Love it! Thanks, Daesung sshi*," I said.

He smirked. Pretending to be upset since I didn't call him 'oppa' as he wanted. I just could laugh. Honestly, I don't feel comfortable calling him 'oppa' yet when he, himself only consider me as one of his fan. Plus, I respect him so much that I think it's better to call him 'Daesung sshi'.

There was a booth for taking couple pictures on the road. We went to see whether we could take few pictures of us. The booth was small enough for only one person, so I thought this one might not be the couple booth. But Daesung insisted that we tried that one since we've paid for it. We both went inside and tuck ourselves really close with each other. I could feel his breath as he was facing me. I dared not to lift my face at that time as my heart had been beating crazily since we left the YG building.

"Shila..we need to look at the camera," he reminded me.

I turned my face to the camera and smiled. But our body were still facing each other. After the pictures were taken, I thought he wanted to quickly go outside of the booth. Surprisingly, he puts his hand on the wall and looked straight to my face. I barely managed to gain some guts to look at him at that time.

Our eyes met. His face was so close to me. I kept on looking everywhere but ended up looking at him again. He came closer to my face, barely touch my nose when he said

"You know, you're beautiful. But well, I'm not a match for you. Perhaps you were only liking me as a fan, like most people would be,"

I couldn't utter a word. My body was frozen at the moment. I wished he would come to another step. I swallowed. He's looking so manly tonight.

"Let's go and see our pictures," he said and went out the booth.

I took a deep breath. What was that? What did he tried to say?

Our pictures came out beautifully. It really looked like a couple pictures. Perhaps this kind of booth was better than the couple booth. We kept walking until the end of the road. We basically did almost everything that a couple would do at that place. If only he could read my mind at that time.

He ended up sending me to my hotel at 1:00am. Before getting of the car, I looked at him once.

"Daesung sshi*, I want to tell you something. Before it's too late," I said. This time I'm going all out. No more being shy. This was my last chance. He looked surprised.

"What is it? Tell me," he replied. I took a deep breath.

"I like you. Like for real. It's not like a fan to an idol, but it's for real. Or should I say, I love you?" There! I throw it all out! Now whatever that's going to happen, I didn't care anymore! He was stunned.

"Huh? Uhm.. the thing is, Shila, I don't think this will work. I have to admit, I feel like I like you too, but maybe as a...." he paused. I looked at him.

"fan?" he finished his sentence. I knew it! But I kept on smiling.

"It’s okay. I totally understand. I just want to let you know it, so that I don't have any regrets after this," I told him.

He smiled and said that it's okay to tell him that. Then we said goodbye to each other before he drove off. This is the last meeting. To be truth, I am hurt, plus with whatever that he'd said in the picture booth made me felt and thought that perhaps he likes me too. Maybe I was wrong. But the words from really turned into confusion whether he likes me or not.

I went up to my room and somehow didn't get enough sleep because I kept on thinking about the incident.